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February 01 Time. Time for... what?Hello everyone.
No, I am not dead.
No, my fingers weren't chopped off in a freak stir-fry accident.
No, my bird didn't all the wires at the back of my computer, disabling my internet connection.
I just haven't written in here for a LONG time.
Trying hard to start a new blog in a new place.
Please wait patiently.
Penis. August 25 afterparty!Man, I hate going to work feeling hungover, especially when I shouldn't be that hungover... August 17 Why only just a dream?Last night I had a dream, and it really moved me.
I dreamt that I felt great.
My house was tidy and the fridge was full.
There were no lint balls on my clothes.
All my white undies were sparkling white and no bits of elastic or threads were trying to escape.
My plants were healthy with no kitten bite marks.
My fish were happy and had multiplied.
The snails weren't having sex.
All my CDs were tidily stacked on the shelves in alphabetical order.
I had received a promotion at work and was up to date with all my reports and programming.
My neighbours were talking quietly and the trucks driving past weren't screeching their brakes.
Nobody was feeling poor or hungry, and everyone had a party to go to.
Everybody understood where I was coming from with everything I said, and everybody had received enough cuddles for the day.
I could go on forever about all the things in this dream that made me feel great...
But...
...most of it is a lie.
Yeah, I dreamt of something that made me feel great...
I DREAMT I WAS A GUITAR HERO
 YEAHAHAHAHHA August 12 50000!Fifty thousand hits for posting nothing. All because I have a sexah profile pic with enormous fake jubblies. Man I get a lot of friend requests from foreign sleezy men.
I accept all of them. August 09 Yeah, I'm a heroHi everyone
There have been many reasons why I haven't been blogging often recently.
One of them is that I have a very sore thumb from playing guitar hero.
July 30 Newt v!It's hard to get back into the habit. Especially when we now own the most enormous motherflippin tv ever!!!
It's about the size of Austria and I will love it forever (until a bigger one comes along). July 23 Back In OzMan, I did a pretty dodgy job updating this blog throughout tour.
Fear not, I will get things up to date with photos as soon as I feel like it. July 05 On Tour with Dvette: Strasbourg (France)Bonjour!
Tour has been great so far.
After we flew from Singapore to Frankfurt, we hopped on a bus and travelled to Heidelberg to check out old castles and shit. Considering how demanding it can be flying from one hemisphere to another, the fact that we then did a full day's worth of sightseeing is trés impressivé.
From Heidelberg we travelled to Mannheim in Germany to meet our homestay families. I spent four days with my old German exchange student and a highschool friend in a Bed and Breakfast hotel before then going to stay with a Mannheim host family who were delightful. We used Mannheim as a base city to travel out by bus to do concerts in nearby towns. All were successful despite some alleged mouthing of the word 'motherfncker' by a special violinist during a particularly difficult passage. No it wasnt me.
One concert so far has also been a treat due to the special guest who turned up out of the blue to play in the viola section. Does anybody remember R.Woodward? It was great to see him again! He asked me how Mister Turdlicker was going, espeically since he had come out of the closet. It was then that I remembered that years ago, I had sent Mister Woodward a joke catchup email with a list of orchestral players who had since faced their sexuality. I could be in trouble for this. . .
After Mannheim, we bussed it to France and here I am in le Internét Café. Todays plan is to play a concert somewhere for some peeps, and do some other stuff. As you may be able to tell, I am living by the day. Playing great music in beautiful cities and eating crazy good food with nerds of all shapes and sizesis an indulgence for all the senses and I am in no hurry for it to end.
There is also a fair share of bitchiness going on too, but I can save that entry for another day.
Merci, readers! June 26 On Tour With Dvette: SingaporeQYS Toowa has begun. Hooray!
We have safely flown from Brisbane to Singapore, where I am accessing free internet at the airport. The flight was about eight hours, and for me it went quite quickly because rather simply, Mario Tetris is the best game ever.
I was very relieved to find out that Guy did remember to bring his Travel Scrabble. I haven't played it yet, but knowing it is there is quite comforting.
For me, the only dramas so far has been with my luggage weight. We were given strict instructions that our suitcases should way no more than 14kg, while our hand luggage should way no more than 7kg.
I weighed my suitcase at the airport, and it was 15kg! I packed a few more things into my violin case and backpack to even out the weight, but when I finally checked in, their scales said my suitcase was quite under 14kg, and that my hand luggage was then too heavy. In front of everybody then, I had to repack some things back into my suitcase, causing everybody to see my undies that were packed on top within my suitcase. Oh the shame.
Meanwhile, I have managed to successfully avoid spending too much time with Guy and Jarrod. They are stinky. June 25 QYS ToowaA few posts ago, I mentioned that something is coming up.
It's true!
It's coming tomorrow!
I'm off to Europe for 3.5 weeks with the Queensland Youth Symphony. Oh yeah!
I will have a crack at posting about my youthful adventures every now and then, but in the meantime, you can also see what we're up to by visiting this site: http://www.imagetechniques.com.au/QYSTour.html
You can also check out how 'statuesque' we are in performance by checking out the video files on this site: http://www.themusicpage.com/tmpUser-home.php?user=2352
So far today I've texted Guy to remember to pack travel Scrabble, I've then facebooked him to remember to pack travel Scrabble, I've ESPed him, and also bitched to other people how shitty I'll be if he forgets to bring it. He tells me he's bringing it, so things are going smoothly!
See you soon! June 23 Ponder this, punkIsn't it interesting how food sometimes doesn't taste like its colour. Today's brown cookie totally tasted white. It was quite startling because I didn't even look at the cookie until I'd eaten half of it. Onya, Jarrod.Man.
How annoying is Jarrod.
For those of you who don't know him, this is Jarrod. 
Yesterday we were at a rehearsal, then planned to grab some Subway on the way to our next engagement. I wasn't sure whether the best Subway shop was, so it was agreed that I would follow Jarrod in his car. He knew the way... apparently.
All we had to do was go across the river, but we ended up going around in circles, crossing the river three times! It was ridiculous. That guy has no navigation skills and as a result, we probably used $5 worth of petrol.
THANKS JARROD.
(P.S. Just change the category of this email from "Why Dellit Sucks" to "Why Jarrod Sucks". Just this once.) June 16 MondayitisOh yuck.
Don't feel like working today.
Who wants to sit on a comfy couch and learn all the Trivial Pursuit questions with me instead? June 11 Get a kleenex, psychoI was hopping into my car this afternoon when I noticed that the woman parked in the car next to mine was swearing at me. She was quite stirred up! I couldn't make out the words she was calling me, but her frantic head movements and the spittle flinging from her mouth indicated that she was quite passionate in her hatred towards me and/or my actions.
But why? What had I done?
Did I park too close to her?
Was my angle too wanky?
Did I close my door too loudly?
Was my outfit too hot to handle?
After some moments, I realised she was just chain-sneezing. June 09 Watch out Leonardo...Not only is Aydsman an affordable yet effective masseur, but he's also a pretty hot artist. I present to you... Mona Dvette  THAT ENIGMATIC SMILE Thank you, Aydsman. I'm having it printed on canvas as we speak! June 08 The Futsach Report #3The Futsach Report
June 2, 2008 Futsachers Finally Spotted! Futsach followers were ecstatic today to see the team back in the media spotlight. For nearly three weeks, the team was noticably absent from the nation's best news sites; Dvette Online and The Cryptid Daily. "It was a good thing that it was called off," said Luke, known on the team for his Sasquatchian attitude. "Being as unfit as I am, I'm still feeling stiff and sore from training the Sunday before. One word to describe my quads: Yowie!" One such photo was taken by Oscar Weetyke of Middle Park. Taken two weeks ago at Mount Coot-tha, it shows the Gemma Beast trundling away after being caught foraging through an unattended picnic basket.
June 05 Blue Skies in the Olden DaysI have news articles to post that need pictures, but I'm having so many troubles uploading pictures from my house!
I'm currently at my parents' house, and uploading pictures there seems fine. So I've taken advantage, and posted a photo of my mum and two brothers from an era well before my birth.
Gotta love this shot of my Grandma
 , those flares and a car that is still sitting in my parents' garage. June 04 Broken ImageHosterWhat's going on?
The image-hosting website I use has not been working.
As such, I haven't been able to post any entries with picture. Pictures are important to my entries, otherwise it's just like a children's book without illustrations.
Hopefully things will work again soon. June 02 Funny MowmentsAh, I really enjoy having a giggle at myself for certain little things.
For example, it amuses me how I behave at parties or special work-related mornings teas for people I don't actually know. At some point, either a friend or the special person themselves gets up to give a speech and says something like, "You are all here today because you are all such a special part of my life and I love every one of you...". They're such kind words, and even though I may never have met the person before, I still feel great and proud to be there.
Another thing that I enjoying laughing at about myself is how stupid I can be when I'm driving. Sometimes when I'm out on the road in my little Mitsubishi Mirage, and I see another car of the exact same colour and model, I don't think "Hey, same car!". Instead, the thought that immediately enters my mind is, "Shit! Where am I?" as though I am possibly in that other car, driving in the opposite direction.
That's all I wanted to mention right now. May 27 Forty Fousand!The enormous team here at Dvette Online is celebrating! After constantly visiting my own site, I have finally reached forty thousand hits! Hooray! It's no huge number by net standards, but I am happy that people have continued to stop by to read my shit every now and then. I actually reached the 40,000 mark a few days ago, but haven't bothered blogging about it until now, which I guess shows that it's not that significant.
Still, that doesn't mean I can't celebrate. But how should I celebrate?
I know! I could buy myself a huge-arse cake!
Ah, but Fiona already did that for me for my birthday earlier this year. (thanks mate!)
Man, let me quickly tell you about this cake I was given. It was as pink as anything and was iced with the words "Happy Birthday Dvette Dvette McCool McCool" which was a lovely reference to my old Facebook name. It was also hewj. It took me days and days to get through, and I think I am still carrying it somewhere on my womanly figure.
 Mmm. Pink cakey thighs.
So yeah, so I could get myself a cake to celebrate 40,000 hits, but I won't.
What else could I do?
I know! I'll post a link to what is arguably the world's longest palindrome. Something like my 40,000 hits to my blog is worth celebrating by reading an overly long palindrome, and vice versa.
Did you read it all? I know I didn't.
Meanwhile, let me tell you my favourite palindrome ever, but only because it reminds me of my precious penisdawg art...
Goddam mad dog gnaws wang! Goddam mad dog!
 May 18 A Concert And A Bag So I played in a concert at St John's Cathedral last night. I was part of a small chamber orchestra, working with the Brissy Chorale and the Imogen Pipsqueaks performing Benjamin Britten's "Saint Nicolas" . I must say, it was very exciting to be playing choral music for a change. This piece was fascinating to learn, and it was even more exciting to be sitting alongside professionals in the orchestra, who actually read all the dynamic markings. And of course, it was even more thrilling to be playing in the beautiful setting of St John's Cathedral:  "Even I sound good with this acoustic!" The high ceilings, the stained glass windows, the lighting - all make for an amazing atmosphere inside the cathedral. Oh yeah, and all the other weird religious shit around the place was fun to look at too:  "Rub-a-dub-dub, Three marshmallow men in a tub" Among the string performers at this event were the lovely Miss Weird and the kooky Miss Marina. The evening began expectantly odd for Miss Marina. It began to rain while she rode her pushbike to the rehearsal immediately prior to the concert. She turned up looking like a wet flannel, and she left puddles and wet footprints all around the cathedral. I wish Miss Weird had taken a photo of that - but that would have been inappropriate.... Also among the performers last night was the the bizarre Mr Fodor. Is it just me, or is he looking a lot more like his mother these days?  "Facebook stops us from forgetting who each other are." So we got to the point last night when we had finished our pre-concert rehearsal, and were putting our things away in the building next door. The plan was to grab a bite to eat then return in time for the concert. On our way to the building next door, we noticed a very strange suitcase plonked right in the middle of the paved pathway. As we approached it, it looked like a pretty good suitcase, all pretty and silver. Nobody was about, so it was just odd to see a bag in the middle of the path with nobody looking after it. We got closer, then saw that the other side of the suitcase wasn't in such good nick. The surface was torn and worn, and we began to wonder what was inside. "You know, bags without people don't make sense..." said Miss Weird, quoting the terrorism-awareness advertisements on television. This comment really sparked our curiosity and within moments, we were all crowded around this suitcase, daring each other to touch it and set off the bomb inside. "I'm going to touch it!" I say bravely. I prod the suitcase. Nothing blows up in my face, but I continue to prod and poke it, telling everybody that it feels like a bunch of dead babies inside. "Here, I'll take a photo," says Miss Weird:  "Look at me, I'm touching a strange bag!" While we're taking that photo, a rather scruffy man comes up to us. "That's my bag. I'm homeless," he says. You should have seen how fast everybody - except me - ditched the scene. "Oh hey, yeah nice bag," I say uncomfortably to homeless guy. "The church Dean gave me a cup of tea and is letting me stay the night," homeless guy explains to me, while spilling the mug of tea all over the floor. "Ah that's cool... Yeah, we were just amused about how odd it was to find a bag in the middle of the path," I say. "You know those ads on tv - 'bags without people don't make sense'? That's why we were checking it out." It was the lamest explanation ever, and in my mind, I'm reminding myself that this guy probably doesn't have a t.v. "Ah, yeah," he says vacantly. We looked at each other for a moment, then I walked away quickly. Then I previewed the photo on Mr Fodor's camera. May 15 Mandarines Today I am going to sing the praises of mandarines. Yes, mandarines. Not mandarins. I don't say it like that. Today I was driving home from work feeling hungry, and so decided to pull out my lunch that I hadn't eaten. I had packed three tasty mandarines in my purse. Oh my they were good to have in my lap while sitting in traffic. I hadn't eaten them in my office, because when I'm in my office, I actually graze on stale cake that has been left in the fridge from birthdays past. Anywho, these mandarines were so enjoyable that I've decided to poefy my feelings.  Mandarines around the world: I write this poem for you in Dvettic pentameter. My heart feels you And hands peels you. Never too orange, Dangerously sweet - A mandarine's flesh is Real good to eat. If ever I slept and never awoke, please kNow that this poem was never a joke. Eternally think of me as no ordinary seedy fucker, but instead look beneath my sarcastic rind and see me as your favourite straight citrus Sucker. May 14 Depreciating AppreciationSometimes I feel as though I am not appreciated enough by some of my friends. Take Terlich for example. Aaages ago I enlightened him to the fact that the outer layer of Camembert Cheese is enjoyable edible, just like the gooey inner part. Until this time, he had always removed the outer part with his knife and thrown it out with the bathwater. After showing him the delights of the outer layer, he was then happy to eat it, which, according to my calculations, gives you an extra 11% of cheese to enjoy. (I just tried doing the maths by subtracting the volume of the gooey cylinder from the total Camembert cylinder - my answer for some reason doesn't feel quite right, but I'm not surprised because I failed a few Maths B tests in highschool). Anyway, the point is, is that Terlich never thanked me for revolutionising the way he eats Camembert Cheese, when, quite frankly, it is clearly a thank-worthy gesture. What a bastard. Another incident happened very recently that made me feel very unappreciated. I was using the old "face" "book" and partaking in my hobby of joining silly groups that I don't necessarily agree with, and adding my two cents' worth on their wall. This time, the particular group I joined was called "Stop Government Funding For Private Schools". I joined it because I disagree with them. As soon as I joined, I wrote one comment on the wall, saying that there are plenty of small Catholic schools and the like which aren't wealthy schools and rely on Government funding to exist. I can't remember what I wrote exactly, because my comment has since been removed from that site. But within a short time of me joining that site, a facebook friend left me a rather blunt message in my inbox... Facebook Friend Wrote: Look up the 'Goulburn Strike' of 1962 and THEN comment about this situation. How much money do you think tax payers would have to fork out WITHOUT so many private schools providing *mostly their own funding*?!?! I'd post this on the group's wall but I'd have to join and look like a halfwit, like you do. I'm so disappointed, was under the impression you were smarter than this. What a shock it was to read such a message! It was so rude and it didn't make sense. I researched the Goulburn Strike of 1962 and it actually sounded like Facebook Friend was on the same side as me - but if so, why were they calling me names? In any case, I responded... Dvette Wrote: What an emotional and rude response. I'll look up what you're saying though. If you think about it, that was a pretty polite response from me, given the non-sensical abuse I had just received out of nowhere. So after googling the topic (so I could figure out what the hell Facebook Friend was talking about), I wrote back... Dvette Wrote: I've looked at one link so far. http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2004/07/09/1089000353535.html?from=storyrhs In short, my comment is about the over-simplification of that facebook group. I would agree that the level of government funding that some private schools get is inequitable (they get too much). But I was wanting to point out that not all private schools are rolling in dough like the infamous King's College in NSW (I think that's where it is). The facebook group implies that private schools should get NO funding, and I disagree with that. I think the facebook group would be fair if it was about less funding, or talking about more equitable funding. One would think that after reading this response, Facebook Friend would speak to me rationally and clarify what we are arguing about. Many days passed, and no response was given, so I was driven to then check on the status of our debate... Dvette Wrote: So what's the deal with this conversation? Is anything resolved? Interestingly, I got a prompt response. Even more interestingly, it showed that Facebook Friend was a lot stupider and immature than I had originally thought... Facebook Friend Wrote: No conversation - it was a misunderstanding. i thought you were an intelligent girl who i could be friends with but i was obviously wrong. Sorry but i have no interest in any further contact. That's pretty hardcore, hey! I mean, no doubt this friend isn't a friend anymore, which is no great loss considering the highly visible levels of nitwittedness. But in hindsight, one of the following situations must have occurred:
No matter which of the above occurred, a reasonable person would surely have read my response and then either apologised or continued the debate. Not just dealt with it by calling names and leaving.
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